Swindon Link's Agony Girl answers more burning questions

From the pages of Swindon Link's sister publication The Ocelot comes Agony Girl in the form of nine-year-old Amy. We read her the questions and she tells us the answers. To ask Agony Girl a question yourself email us at [email protected] with 'Agony Girl' in the subject line.

Dear Agony Girl,

I hear you play for a football team and I think girls are better players to be honest.

Will you be able teach me how to play properly as I am not that good?

Tyler, Swindon

Yes. I would teach him that you have to not be afraid of the ball and if I were playing with him we would do passing and not a match straight away. I would also teach him some weird stuff I learnt from my football training.

 

Dear Agony Girl,

I was wondering if you could help me? I’ve just discovered a breakthrough in nuclear fusion energy which could be a potential source of near-limitless clean energy. But no-one seems that excited about it. Do you think I should announce it whilst dressed as Meghan Markle and then maybe people would pay attention?

National Ignition Facility at the Lawrence Livermore Laboratory director Dr Kim Budil, California

It’s exciting but I don’t know who Meghan Markle is so instead you should dress up as Taylor Swift. Also you need to announce it in a way that only Taylor Swift fans know. So research the kind of codes that Taylor uses to release stuff and that would be exciting. But you would have to be very intelligent to do it so it might not work.

 

Dear Agony Girl,

The cost of living crisis has made it increasingly difficult to heat my home as it simply costs too much. But it’s freezing. Do you know of any cheaper ways that I could keep warm?

Margaret, Haydon Wick

Put on your dad’s jumper. Close all the windows and doors and only put the heating on five minutes. Wear leg warmers, fluffy socks on and wrap yourself in blankets.

 

Dear Agony Girl

My sister is living with me but she’s just had a baby and now I’m being kept up all night. I really need to get a good night’s sleep. Have you any tips?

Yours confusedly,

Dave, Old Town

Throw the baby out the window. Just kidding. You should get yourself some ear defenders or put two pillows over your face to cover your ears.