Page 20 - link magazine

The Link Magazine March 1995
20
SEEKING OUT SOLUTONS

The first in a series of articles for The Link by Relate Counsellor
Julia Cole about the importance of communicating within relationships.
(The story below is fictional but based upon Relates experience of working with couples)
Cathy and Bob met on a blind date He wanted Cathy to come with him
when he was in the army, stationed to counselling - and after initially say-
abroad and she was working as a full ing she didn't want anyone to know
EXP€I1€I1C€ time secretary. They instantly about "their" private lives - and that
4 "clicked" - sharing the same sense of there wasn't a relationship to save -
humour and both loving the cinema she went because she didn't know
cac Way, Stxtrces, and country pubs. what else to do.
In the first week of their romance
4
they saw each other every day. When
West 5wror Bob returned overseas he wrote every
week; two years later they married.
Bob left the army to become a me-
4
chanic, they bought a flat and life was
Enjoy some wonderful - until Bob lost his job.
He searched for work - but couldn't
seem to find anything permanent and
of the best started to spend more and more time
with friends -often down in the pub.
Cathy returned after a full-days work
Chinese to find washing up still in the sink and Julia Cole of Relate
silently fumed and blamed Bob for
things being so hard.
M Bob became increasingly depressed. The Counsellor encouraged Bob and
cuisine in ' He was devastated by the loss of his Cathy to express their feelings about
", successfularmy career and therespect the situation to each other. It wasn't
Swindon he had from colleagues. Hefelt worth- until Bob broke down in tears that
less because Cathy had a job, while he Cathy really saw the depth of Bob's
couldn't find anything that lasted. feelings - his depression and feelings
For two years Cathy's anger and of failure. That was the turning point
- at home with the Bob's feeling of failure continued - - Bob realised that he had to support
never put into words by either of them. Cathy by doing more round the house
They no longer laughed or talked to- - and Cathy was able to let go of her
Chinese Experience gether; sex went out of the window. resentments and encourage him. Bob
Valentines's Day was the turning re-gained his self respect and renewed
point. They didn't exchange Valen- his job hunt.
takeaway service 4 tine's Cards - and Bob decided their The situation was unchanged - but
relationship had reached crisis point - the relationship was "back on track".
they weren't even talking to each other The difference in their lives was that
anymore. Bob decided having a third they were talking to each other and
rLth Me tr4%ttn4t t Me party to talk to - who wasn't "in" the thinking about each other's feelings -
situation would help and phoned his saying how they felt rather than bot-
local Relate Centre. tling things up.
e.4te itr eten 'e ttienK After two sessions on his own (Bob Bob and Cathy realised they needed
didn't tell Cathy he was going to coun- help - and did something about it. If
selling) he felt he'd begun to work you need help - take a leaf out of Bob
1ctre to £citch yogr t4Ste4S. through the problem, and could un- and Cathy's book - don't leave it too
derstand Cathy's feelings as he had late - contact your local Relate Coun-
taken out his feelings of frustrations selling Centre. Swindon 527664 be-
and failure on her. tween 9 a -5pm, Monday to Fridays.
To place your order

or to book a table, End of year report from Tootleabrook WI
June Bradley writes
telephone 0 Instead of our usual meeting in It's February and time for our
January we went to the Bristol Hip- ACM. We've had a very busy,
podrome toseePickwick. SirHarry interesting and stimulating year
Secombe was ill and his under- with discussions on organ dona-
(01793)877888 study Kevin AJ Ranson played the tions, action on pornography and
0 title role. He was excellent and we support for rural carers. It's been
all thoroughly enjoyed his per- thought provoking, funny and
Large parties & corporate formance. educational. What will 1995 bring?
Having accumulated dozens of The speaker at our meeting on
knitted squares and jumpers we 15 March will be Stephen Beale on
4 clients welcome
got together one evening to sew Talking Newspapers for the Blind.
Private dining facilities available them all together. It's amazing We meet in the Community
how much can be achieved in a Room at Toothill School at 730pm
short time by collective effort. We on the third Wednesday of each
made a huge blanket and several month. If you would like further
0 0 jumpers for the Rwanda Appeal. information phone 495520