Swindon Link's Agony Girl returns with more advice for the public

From the pages of Swindon Link's sister publication The Ocelot comes Agony Girl in the form of ten-year-old Amy. We read her the questions and she tells us the answers. To ask Agony Girl a question yourself email us at [email protected] with 'Agony Girl' in the subject line.

Dear Agony Girl,

I sometimes let things get to me and take things to heart. Please can you advise me on how not to worry?

Tyler, Haydon Wick

By not caring what anyone thinks about you like I do. And tell them to shut up if someone is being mean to you.

 

Dear Agony Girl,

I’ve taken to growing tomatoes and chillies indoors because of the unreliable British weather.

This involves the use of a special LED light, and the glow can be seen from the street. My partner always said people would think I was growing illegal plants. I didn’t believe her until I caught one of my neighbours, who is a police officer, peering through the window.

Also, the hippy down the street whose dog has a string instead of a lead keeps trying to invite himself round for a cup of tea.

How do I reassure everybody that I am not up to anything dodgy? I only want some nice tomatoes for my sandwiches.

Yours confusedly,

Barrie, Old Town

Put a sign on your front door saying that you’re not a weirdo and you’re only growing tomatoes. And if anyone knocks on your door and they’ve got a dog, get a shovel and whack them round the face with it.

 

Dear Agony Girl,

I’m so annoyed at men. Can’t they just act like normal adult human beings and do what they say they are going to do and not just disappear for days and sometimes weeks on end without a word? How do I find an actual adult man in this minefield that is online dating?

Lisa, Ridgeway Farm

Message my dad because he’s nice. But you might have to wait until he dies and gets reincarnated in his next life as he has a girlfriend.

 

Dear Agony Girl

I was just wandering around Westminster the other day and some bloke in a dress and a lady with a sword grabbed me and put a crown on my head. Now I’m King. What should my first act be?

Charles, Windsor

Find a girl called Amy who lives in Swindon and give her a million free pounds and then after that you can tell the boys in my school to stop being annoying.